And ALLAH is Sufficient as a Guardian
And ALLAH is Sufficient as a Helper
~ Quran 4:45


Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Quickie Update!

Assalamualaikum!
 
Dah boleh muntah kot menghadap post pasal Fattah Amin tu! Hahaha! Oklah, I update sikit lah. Almaklumlah, dah masuk hujung tahun, busy tak hengat, kerja menimbun nak settle sebelum I cuti dua minggu, pastu Mummy awal-awal dah warning, tiap-tiap hujung minggu ada jer yang nak kena attend. #sisredha

Macam last weekend, atuk sedara I buat kenduri doa selamat sikit sebelum dia berangkat pergi Umrah In Sya Allah, hari Khamis ini. I memang rapat dengan Tok A.B, walaupun he's actually my dad's uncle, bagi I Tok A.B dah macam atuk I sendiri, sebab dia and arwah nenek yang lebih banyak spend time masa I membesar, dia yang tahu  semua perkembangan I adik beradik. Tok A.B pula dah anggap Daddy macam anak dia sendiri, so we are kind of tight gitu. Semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan Tok A.B di sana. Amin.

Pastu semalam malam I hantar Pak Long & Mak Long I kat airport. Pun berangkat pergi Umrah juga. Pak Long, mutawwif bawa jemaah first trip ke sana. Semoga Allah s.w.t. mempermudahkan urusan Pak Long di sana.

That kind of feeling when you send people off, especially buat Umrah/Haji, sejenis sebak yang tak terkata, sambil-sambil kita minta diselitkan sedikit doa untuk kita di sana. Semoga I dilimpahkan rezeki untuk bawa Daddy & Mummy ke sana suatu hari nanti. In Sya Allah. Bila I mintak mereka doakan I, terus automatically semua cakap nak doakan I dapat jodoh yang baik. I aminkan jer. I cuma mintak doa yang baik-baik. Cukup! Tak ada nak mintak specific doa atau apa-apa. Bagi I, dah terlalu banyak nikmat yang Allah s.w.t. dah berikan dan I sangat bersyukur.

I have always believed that Allah s.w.t. will give you what you need not what you want. DIA lebih tahu setiap yang terjadi, setiap perancangan, setiap percaturan, so bagi I, go with the follow ke mana arah tujuan yang ingin dihalakan. Setiap orang punya rezeki yang berbeza, ada yang dikurniakan jodoh awal, ada yang dikurniakan rezeki untuk berbakti pada ibu bapa, dan macam-macam lagi.

Semalam, I terima call dari my sponsorship yang biaya untuk Diploma I. Alhamdullilah, I dah tamat tempoh bond selama 2 tahun. Pejam celik, 2 years flew by just like that. In that conversation to relief me off from the bond, the officer offered another sponsorship should I want to continue with my Degree. Memang, I ada plan nak sambung study and Alhamdullilah, baru rancang Allah dah buka jalan. Sekarang, I tengah survey which major I nak sambung.

As of now, I have to focus untuk settle as much work as I can and ensure all my projects run accordingly while I'm gone. Sebab I akan berangin kalau ada yang kacau I time cuti! Karang, ada yang balik awal dari tempoh sebab tak tahan bila tak ada yang cover kerja.

Dah nak akhir 2016 ini, I minta maaf kot ada yang tersinggung dengan penulisan I. I'm a human as well, kadang dalam tak sedar mengguris hati sesiapa. I doakan yang baik-baik saja untuk semua yang masih setia menghadap blog yang dah sentiasa berhabuk ini!  Take care lovelies! Kita jumpa tahun depan, In Sya Allah!

Monday, 24 October 2016

Tak Kenal Maka Tak Cinta

Assalamualaikum!
Propa sangat title entry kali ini! Haha! Oklah, just random rants I guess. AGAIN! Bila ntah nak update chapter baru. Mungkin continue mungkin tak. Sebab I dah hilang mood lepas I hilang my pen drive that I save all my chapters. :( Sedih! Tapi mana tahu, mungkin ada ilham baru yang datang. ;)
Sekarang kan tengah meletop pasal drama Suri Hati Mr Pilot. As of date, kalau tak silap I baru tengok sampai episode 5. Kenapa? Sebab, I kenot handle the craziness. I sumpah kalau I follow, I akan terigau-igau si Ejaz Fakhri tu! Hisy! Sebab itulah I ambil keputusan untuk tak nak follow closely drama itu on weekdays and I shall catch up on it during the weekends atau bila I ada masa, kalau tak I tak mampu nak settle semua kerja I sebab semua focus I telah dibawa pergi oleh Ejaz Fakhri! #sistakkuat #parahdahni 
Before
Credit: Google
 
Honestly, Fattah Amin is not one of the hero that I follow. Because I am so, so disappointed with him waktu dia bawa watak King/Ad dalam drama Playboy Itu Suami Aku! I tak boleh let go kekecewaan I, so I tak pernah follow mana-mana lakonannya. Tak boleh percaya kan? Just believe it! I totally love storyline PISA in the novel, then bila I tengok drama PISA for the first 5 minutes of the 1st episode, I terus frust sampai I ban! Bayangkan kekecewaan itu! 
I have been an avid follower of novels. Tak kira apa genre, I will read it if the synopsis of the novel attracts my attention and when it gets adapted to drama/film, I will definitely follow most of it. To name a few, Setia Hujung Nyawa, Adam & Hawa, Dan Hati Pun Berkata, Hati Perempuan, Tuan Anas Mikael, Rindu Awak 200%, Suamiku Encik Perfect 10! and etc. Semua yang I list ini, I have the novels as my collection so when it gets adapted, I akan baca sekali lagi just to refresh my mind. #saikosangat
Back to Suri Hati Mr Pilot, honestly, I have yet to read the novel. Stumbled upon it at several bookstores previously, but never the urge to place it in my list of collection. Tak tahulah kenapa, maybe the back cover of the synopsis was not attractive enough or just because I tak nak baca cerita berkisar dengan Pilot lagi kot! Mungkin sebab I tak boleh get over Adam Mukhriz or Zill Faezrul. #bongokni The characters name do ring a bell and I'm pretty sure I have held this book before in my hands, just never brought it out of the bookstore. Haha!    
I just started following dramas back recently, stopped for about a year or so. The last one that I followed closely was Hati Perempuan. So whatever that came after that I tak berapa follow. Kalau follow pun after the whole hoo-ha about it has subside. As mentioned in my previous post, I follow drama Pergilah Air Mata because of the storyline. So, that was a kick-start to it. And now, this.

Fattah Amin berjaya bawa watak Ejaz Fakhri so well, sampai I pun terbawa-bawa. Ish! And the whole set-up chemistry with Neelofa after so long she didn't act, it was worth the hype. Ditambah pula with amazing promo by both of them and the crews, ah-mazing! Kudos to them!
 
Now
Credit: Instagram
 
Honestly, I don't even follow them on Instagram. Haha! But their posts have been trending and been appearing in the trending feed that made me watch it, OMG kegilaan apakah ini?! I really think kali ini Fattah Amin berjaya menggoda peminat wanita or even attract new fan base. Macam I! It's like puberty hit him hard man! Pandai-pandai jer aku ini kekadang. But, I memang jenis research sebelum I tulis ok? Korang pergi replay balik time dia berlakon dalam PISA or even Hello Mr Perfect, why suara dia kecik? Kenapa tetiba jadi pilot suara dia tukar garau and husky? #sistergoda

Buat Fattah Amin, kalau kot-kot he stumble upon this! #sisberangan
Please maintain good acting macam you bawa watak Ejaz Fakhri, please keep your moustache & goatee coz you definitely looked better with it, selalu-selalu pakai kemeja with suspenders sebab you akan kelihatan sangat HOT! Walaupun sebelum ini I menyampah tak suka tengok lakonan you, but I believe you managed to prove a lot of people wrong with this character. Stay humble & all the best! Padan muka I tak minat you langsung sangat kan dulu! Haha! Sekarang tetiba #terminattanpasengaja And please jangan buat I tergoda sangat! Thank you!
p/s: Birthday kita sebelah-sebelah tau. But I'm 4 years younger though! :)

Ok dah, last! Nanti I tak kerja!
 
p/ps: I actually nak letak satu meme that I chanced upon the past weeks pasal tak suka Fattah Amin, yang letak gambar lama then dulu and a very win caption! Something pasal dulu tak suka, sekarang suka! But can't find it!
 
p/pps: I harap I akan dapat cari novel Suri Hati Mr Pilot, fast! Sebab, I cari novel Pergilah Air Mata pun tak dapat! :( But, it's ok, sekarang I tengah baca The Unsung Hero karya Melur Jelita. Fun fact: I beli Part II dulu, then baru I dapat tahu ada Part I, but I belum baca lagi.  Sekarang baru terhegeh nak baca Book I. 

Friday, 21 October 2016

End of Two Years

Assalamualaikum!
 
Anyways, nak kata busy sangat macam menipu pulak, nak kata tak busy pun macam tak boleh sebab kerja memang banyak. There's so much on my plate now, but I'm taking things one at a time. Trying not to be too hard on myself and at the same time perform timely on my career. In Sya Allah! When I saw the dates, Ya Allah, today I am officially FREE FROM MY SPONSORSHIP BOND!!!!! Alhamdullilah! All praises to Allah! I shall now be adding another task to my list, choosing the right degree programme that I would like to pursue.
 
Like I've mentioned previously in my past blog post that I was offered a spot to pursue for a degree programme before I graduated from my diploma programme and at that point I wanted to get over with the sponsorship bond and at the same time gain experience first, so I decided to just join the working force. That decision that I made came with a price for me to pay, which was I couldn't be enlisted in any university until I complete this whole bond thingy, which I'm fine with. 
 
But right now, looking back at the choices that my former institution is offering as compared to two years ago and the local universities are offering, there is so much more choices in the Built Environment category that I got confused. The diploma programme that I went for wasn't a specific trade, because I am trained to cover all aspects. From mechanical to electrical, management, and etc. So, you can get the gist that the course allowed us to wear different hats at the same time depending on where we wanted to be.
 
So, with all these fundamentals that I have it's kinda making me oh-so flicker minded to make up my mind. I can't decide if I want to major in a specific engineering trade or if I wanted to pursue a bachelor in building or construction or even in projects which is what I'm currently doing.
 
So, I'm like, Almighty, give me some answers please! Mungkin kena buat istikharah cam Azmi Hatta kot. Sebab dia nampak muka Faye dalam mimpi, mana tahu kalau I buat, nampaklah bayangan programme mana I patut pilih! (pun intended!) Haha!
 
  Working solo taught me a whole lot of things. One of it shall be Discipline! Macam bos tak ada but you still kena datang on time, takkan sebab tak ada orang pantau nak ikut suka masuk ofis pukul berapa, kan? Or macam kalau you ada emergency so nak UL, like it or not you have to inform the boss kan? Technically, mesti ada sesuatu yang dapat dipelajari dalam sesuatu hal yang terjadi. That's it!
 
Itu jer kot I nak cerita. Break time dah nak habis, I nak kena jumpa client pastu nak pergi site. Walaupun orang kata hari Friday is usually chill out day or TGIF, tapi for me Friday is one of the busiest. Coz, I nak kena ensure that all my projects and everything under my care is running accordingly & under control, so tak ada orang akan ganggu I pada hari cuti. Bye!


Monday, 26 September 2016

Drama Pergilah Air Mata (Adaptasi Novel)

Assalamualaikum!
 
Hari ini nak buat something different sikit! I will be sharing my thoughts on a drama that is currently airing which I am following quite closely. I don't usually follow dramas that is usually on-going just coz I can't stand the suspense and the lack of time I have on hand.
 
Pergilah Air Mata (RTM 1)

Image Credit: Google
 
Sejujurnya, I start tengok drama ini last Friday night. Mummy recommended it to me sebab dia kata cerita ini sedih sangat sampai dia sendiri menangis. She has been bugging me for about 2 weeks before I finally relented and started watching it recently. Drama ini adalah adaptasi sebuah novel karya Hanni Ramsul. I can't really remember if I have read this novel previously, but the storyline is somewhat in my mind somewhere. (Which remind me I better start doing novel reviews, just for keepsake!) Tapi, I pasti ada membaca beberapa karya penulis tersebut seperti, Biarkan YM Terus Berbicara dan Sayang Papa Saya Tak?
 
Pada pendapat I, this drama is different from those that has always been on air on other channels. This drama is totally different! Sepanjang 14 episode yang I dapat tonton during the weekends, it brought me to a whole new level. Permainan emosi, plot cerita, development of character, it just felt so real, sebab bila I tengok cerita ini, I have to admit, I terbawa-bawa!
 
Lupa nak describe pasal pelakon-pelakon. Main cast adalah Nelydia Senrose (Sabrina), Kamal Adli (Badrul), Izreen Azminda (Dayana), Amar Asyraf (Ikmal), Reen Rahim (Maria).
 
Cerita bermula sewaktu Sabrina, seorang anak yatim piatu ditangkap khalwat bersama Badrul di Cherating. Sabrina sepatutnya pergi bercuti bersama 'rakan baiknya', Maria, tetapi tanpa dia ketahui dia sebenarnya diperangkap oleh Maria yang ingin merampas Ikmal. Badrul pula membawa diri kerana kecewa lamarannya ditolak oleh Dayana yang inigin focus pada karier dahulu. Datuk Hamidi (Mustapha Kamal), ayah kepada Badrul memaksa mereka bernikah sewaktu mereka ditangkap khalwat dan di situlah bermula perjalanan air mata Sabrina.  
 
I don't want too give too much spoiler and since the drama is still on-going we should definitely wait. I harap I dapat cari novel ini this coming weekend.
 
Kudos to all the actors & actresses of this drama. I mula kenal Nelydia & Amar Asyraf when they both acted in Setia Hujung Nyawa. Nelydia ada air muka yang lembut, so bila dia bawa watak sebegini, it never fail. As far as I know, Amar biasa berlakon teater, so the emotion yang dia beri is just superb! I biasa tengok Kamal Adli dalam movies, he can act in almost anything, action, romantic, so he definitely succeed in pulling off this character and finally we have a different face untuk bawa watak dua isteri.  Reen Rahim, watak yang dia bawa kali ini buat I rasa geram sangat! I tak boleh imagine ada jugak orang yang plan semua kejahatan tapi dalam masa yang sama, dia berpura-pura baik dan suci. I cannot brain this!! (Sorry, teremo sikit!)
 
I harap siapa yang tak tengok drama ini, please give it a chance and watch! And, those yang follow, maybe you can share your thoughts here too. 

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

September

Assalamualaikum!
 
September has always been a favourite month of mine! And, we are now 2 weeks away before it ends. Time this days huh? Its moving too fast. Alhamdullilah, turned another year older yesterday! Dah masuk 20-an ni, dah tak rasa excited ke apa, biasa jer. Tension lagi ada! #iwannabe18forever
 
I have always believed that addition of age carries additional responsibilities. You can no longer be as carefree as you once were when you are 10! I can only say that I am ever so grateful that Allah s.w.t. has provided me with what I need and not what I want. Alhamdullilah! I have been constantly making duas that the Almighty will continue guiding me in this difficult world, abstain me from the worldly temptations, because Jannah is indeed our main goal for as long as we are here in this world.
 
Anyways, I can't seem to upload photos in here from my phone. Not too sure why! :( Yesterday, had an impromptu mini girls celebration with Mommy & Angah. I actually received all of my presents in advance during our trip to Malacca for Angah's 21st birthday celebration! Hope to be able to write about that soon. In Sya Allah.
 
Novel updates and cerpen updates, I am so sad to say that I misplaced my thumbdrive which I used to save all the new chapters and I have yet to found it. Searching high and low for it and I'll continue praying that it will be found. I wish to get back in track since work has tone down a little and hopefully with some spare time in hand, I am able to continue writing again. In Sya Allah.
 
Not too sure why, but it seems that this year Mommy & Daddy has been questioning about 'Mr Future' a lot. Pressure is getting real people! I'm gonna take it easy, coz honestly I have yet to sense his presence. Haha! You know, its better to take some time than be with the wrong person which I might just regret one day. It's not about me having high standards or picky as what I heard people talking behind my back. I believe its my not-so readiness to commit yet, is the main factor that contributes to my current status.
 
I'm not the type that prefers long term relationship. Given the chance, I would like it to be similar as to how my parents met. They knew each other for roughly 3 months, then decided to get engaged for about 9 months and got married. More or less, they became husband & wife after about a year of knowing each other. :)
 
It's not easy these days to find a 'Mr Future' in my context. This 'Mr Future' of mine shall share a huge responsibility that I am now handling. He has to be the eldest son to my parents, an elder brother to my siblings, the role model that my siblings can look up to, someone who can tolerate my mood swings and understands my job open-heartedly. Huge responsibilities, I tell you! So, I hope no more questions asked till 10 years time! ;)  
 
Oh well, too much random rants!
 
Bye!

Monday, 15 August 2016

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Assalamualaikum!
 
Been sometime since I updated huh? As usual, the same old reason; B.U.S.Y! Been a lil over the top with work for the past months, moreover I have been managing this site alone since Beignet was pulled out for another project and my manager has to attend to another new site that the company recently attained. So, basically here at this current site I'm putting on different hats at the same time. From chairing meetings, to on-site inspection, making decisions, and etc. Well, that aside, after some time I decided to write up on this topic.
 
Friends.
 
I'm not someone that interacts well with human. No judgements, but I find it hard to keep up with people. Most people I know tend to choose friends with someone who share the same common interest or because they can clique. Nothing wrong with it, but I believe that is your way. Tried it a couple of times and sadly I failed. I tend to look at people differently and by differently I didn't meant it in the wrong way. When I say differently, I am someone who analyse. I don't only look at you as an individual, but everything, like a package. I analyse behaviours, body language, facial expression and a whole lot of other things. It took me sometime to finally understand why I am so different from others, but, boy, was I so glad to finally found an answer for it.
 
I grew up with few friends. And, when I say few, I totally mean it! You can use just one hand to count the 'real friends' I ever had. I am so glad & thankful that my Girls Talk team are pretty much intact. We may not meet often, neither are we able to plan an outing due to our tight schedule, but we do remain real with each other.
 
Flashback to a few years time, during my tertiary education. I was fresh out of high school and was amongst the youngest in the Diploma course that I took. I met a whole lot of people during that time. Everyone in that course were like real adults. And by that, they are like in their 20's while I was only 17 at that point of time when I started my Diploma. The age gap was some what humongous! (to me!) During the whole 3 years study, gotta admit, I found some and lose some. That is part and parcel of life I believe. People come and go! And, throughout that journey, I believe I was pretty much upset by only one person that decided to leave. To give up on the camaraderie that we had. It was pretty heart breaking for me, because that person, (we shall name that person X from here) was the one that I have spent almost 2 and half years and the friendship was put to a stop.
 
X was someone whom I worked with throughout the most of my study period. We were on the same project team, late nights video conferencing for projects, almost 48 hours of not sleeping just to complete our assignments on time. X was like an answered prayer for me. X was matured (age gap, remember?), as real as a person could be, like X would tell me off straight in the face when I'm doing something wrong, and from there I learnt to accept criticism! Goodness, I am a Virgo, so, technically I'm a perfectionist. No hard thoughts on the horoscope part, because as much as I want to deny the facts written out, sometimes, it just matches the personality. Back to X! Basically, X was someone who keeps me in check. Yeah, you get the gist. We got so close, that when either one of us was absent, everybody start asking about it. Imagine how tight we were? (sounds so wrong there!) 
 
This went on for about 4 semester or so, before something happens to the team (would be best not to reveal anything) Honestly, I was devastated! Who wouldn't? The Alpha team that we build was destroyed in the blink of an eye. I was so disappointed, frustrated, you name it! X and I maintained a good relation with each other despite the whole team breaking up. I started forming my own team and like wise for X. I got busy with my own team and trying my hardest to make them the best just like what I had previously. (Competitive liddat!) And, I believe that was the start of me losing X. (In my opinion. Never knew about X though!) I first noticed when we were no longer friends on FB (I was blocked!) and I decided to ignore it, until I started my internship. X has already started working at that point of time. So, I was asking myself, what the heck went wrong?!  The one who was backing out was X and the one that decided to just leave and go was also X! How devastating is that? I was left hanging. No explanation, no proper farewell. C'mon! We've been friends for some time. At least give me an answer. Right?
 
Nevertheless, I did my internship and was then offered a position in the company. Alhamdullilah! My career kick start even before I graduated. It has been a long time since I last communicated with X and suddenly after a few days of receiving news that I have passed and had to register for the graduation ceremony, I received a call from X! *Surprise, surprise!* Yes, X called, not on my mobile though since I changed my number and decided not to give to anyone at all (school-related) after I started work. Cruel much huh? Well, after the failed friendship with X, I decided to be more careful, I decided to protect myself and not get too attached to anyone after that!  Okay, again got side tracked! So, X called my residential number, which might be in the phone memory since I did called X a few times from home. (Gotta save on my prepaid! Haha!) The conversation was awkward much and the reason X gave during the conversation was pretty much hilarious, that I still remembered up to date despite it being almost 2 years ago. (Don't wanna reveal much though!) I decided to prolonged the convo a lil bit and asked on the well being and on the upcoming graduation ceremony which X will be attending. (I'm good in getting info!) And, it was nothing till graduation.
 
Graduation ceremony was a lil tad emotional for me. I finally graduated and yeah, I was looking forward to clear the air with X and somewhat you know get things back on track the least. So, it was basically a mixed feeling of being nervous going up the stage and meeting X after almost half a year of not seeing each other. But, boy, was I so wrong! On that day, with hopes high up, I was expecting X to come up and clear things up. But, what happened was a total opposite. We were literally staring at each other from one end of the whole hall to the other end, we even cross path with each other and nothing! Zero, zilch! X decided not to utter a single word to me and as for me, the egoistical one, I didn't want to make the first move. Which I regretted now, reflecting back. Coz, I might have cleared the situation and not be puzzled up till today. Pfft!
 
I remember clearly that night when I got back from the surprise dinner that was planned by my family. I cried myself to sleep, regretting my actions during the day and I swear that there was like a huge hole in me. If only I could turn back time, I would have spoken to X. I would have cleared the situation. But, I believe, Allah s.w.t. has better plans then, so, why question. What was the ifs for? Right?
 
To X, wherever you are, whoever you are with currently, whatever you do. Just know one thing, you have been a special one to me. You taught me a whole lot of things I didn't know and I'm so thankful for that. If given a chance by Allah s.w.t. for us to meet again one day, I'm sure this time to confront the issue, because it will be almost 2 years (at time of writing) that I was left in the dark and I'm so curious to know what went wrong. I truly wish you all the best in your future endeavours and us being in the same industry, I do hope to be able to cross path and work with you again some day. You might no longer recognise me, for I am totally a different person now, but hey, you have always been etched in my mind.
 
 
 
p/s: This post have been sitting in my drafts folder for almost a week. I was really giving it a good thought before I decided to publish it. What are the chances that X might come across this? 1 out of a million probably! I guess it's okay though should X come across this or not, but from the bottom of my heart this was my side of story. 

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Ms Egoistic Vs Mr Romantic 21

Bab 21


Khairul Arman melabuhkan punggung di kerusi sambil melonggarkan tali leher lalu membuka tiga butang atas kemejanya. Dia memicit dahinya yang berdenyut sejak di bilik mesyuarat tadi. Pening memikirkan projek usahasama antara K.A Corporations dan SyaRina Holdings, ditambah pula dengan dengan kerenah Erika Syakira, permintaan Mama, dan panggilan tanpa henti dari Gina. Tidak henti-henti wanita itu mencarinya. Entah apa yang dia tidak faham, aku dah kahwin. Serabut kepalanya memikirkan semua yang berada di dalam kepalanya, sedangkan belum masuk dua bulan dia berkahwin. Ikut hati memang dia hentak sahaja kepala di dinding. Dia meletakkan kepala di atas meja untuk seketika. Ketukan dari muka pintu menggangu lamunannya. Pantas sahaja dia memberi arahan masuk tanpa mengangkat muka. Sudah semestinya Tanya, memandangkan tadi dia sudah memberi arahan bahawa dia tidak mahu diganggu.

“What is it Tanya? Kan I dah cakap, I tak nak diganggu,” tanya Khairul Arman tegas, masih lagi tidak mengangkat muka. Eh, bisu ke si Tanya ni? Perlahan-lahan Khairul Arman mengangkat wajah. Pantas dia bangkit, kemudian mengukir senyuman.

“Adam, bila kau balik?” tanya Khairul Arman setelah meleraikan pelukan.

“Dua hari lepas, tapi aku minta cuti uruskan barang-barang aku,” jawab Adam lalu duduk di hadapan Khairul Arman.

“So, sekarang kau dah transfer kat KL balik lah?” tanya Khairul Arman.

“Yup, projek kat Johor tu dah settle, so Papa kau suruh aku balik sini,” terang Adam ringkas.

Adam merupakan teman karibnya sewaktu mereka di alam persekolahan. Sewaktu Khairul Arman berada di US, Adam hanya menyambung pelajarannya di Malaysia, tetapi mereka tidak pernah putus hubungan. Setelah tamat pengajian, Dato’ Khairi menawarkan Adam bekerja di syarikat itu.

“Oh, so how’s life? Lama tak dengar cerita, patut kau senyap jer, tak call, tak email,” tanya Khairul Arman lagi.

“Alhamdullilah, so far so good. But dude, you look terrible,” jawab Adam.

“Hisy, mana ada? I’m still like last time bro, cuma, banyak pressure jer. Projek menimbun-nimbun,” Khairul Arman cuba menyembunyikan perkara sebenar.

“Tak payahlah kau nak tipu aku. Bukan semalam aku kenal kau. So, bila aku boleh jumpa bidadari yang dah mencairkan hati batu kau? Selama ni, kau tukar perempuan macam tukar baju, tup-tup dah kahwin. Tapi aku minta maaflah bro, waktu itu aku betul-betul tak cukup tangan nak handover projek itu kat developer,” pohon Adam.

“It’s ok. Aku faham, tulah, panjang cerita dia. But, kau jangan gelakkan aku pula, sebenarnya it was a matchmake. Tapi aku rasa macam kahwin bisnes pun ada,” jawab Khairul Arman sambil mengeluh kecil. Dia memang tidak pernah merahsiakan apa-apa dengan Adam.

“Kahwin bisnes?” tanya Adam dengan kerutan di dahi. Tak pernah pula aku tahu syarikat ada masalah sampai nak kena gadaikan anak.

“Well, technically. Kau jangan nak fikir yang bukan-bukan, this company financial is stable. Kau kenal Dato’ Syariq?” tanya Khairul Arman pula.

“Dato’ Syariq? Hmmm, best friend Papa kau kan? Kenapa dengan dia?” tanya Adam pula.

“Well, I don’t know how true this is, but, dulu, he owed my dad big time. Then, bila perniagaan Dato’ Syariq succeed, dia nak ganti balik modal yang Papa aku pinjamkan, but you know Papa, he refused. Dia cuma nak keluarga bersatu,” jelas Khairul Arman pada Adam yang terangguk-angguk mendengar cerita.

“Wait, so kau kahwin dengan anak perempuan tunggal Dato’ Syariq?” tanya Adam dengan riak terperanjat.

“Yup. Erika Syakira Syariq Laurent,” senafas Khairul Arman menyebut nama isterinya.

“Dude, you are kidding me right? Kau jangan nak buat lawak bodohlah kat sini,” kata Adam sambil tertawa. Tetapi, tawanya mati apabila melihat wajah serius sahabatnya.

“Ya Allah, aku tak sangka. Khairul Arman bin Dato’ Khairi dengan wanita kebal tu. Aku tak tahu nak cakap apa,” sambung Adam sambil menggelengkan kepala. Tidak dapat menerima berita yang baru sahaja dia terima.

“Kau kenal dia ke?” tanya Khairul Arman sedikit terkejut apabila Adam berkata sebegitu.

“Apa pula tak kenal? Walaupun sebelum ini kita tak pernah ada usahasama, tapi, KA Corporations banyak liaise dengan SyaRina Holdings. Tulah kau, siapa suruh duduk lama-lama dekat negara orang tu, apa jadi dalam syarikat sendiri pun tak tahu,” sindir Adam bersahaja.

“Kiranya dia balik terus lepas habis belajar?” tanya Khairul Arman cuba mengorek cerita.

“Apa yang aku tahu, dia dengan abang dia balik lepas dia convo, tapi dia tak terus kerja. Katanya nak rehat dulu, tapi Encik Haiqal terus kerja. Aku tak tahulah rehat apa, sebab dia lay low for almost a year,” terang Adam lagi.

“So, kau kenal dia dalam tiga tahun gitulah?”

“Macam gitulah, tapi memang susah nak kerja dengan dia. Dia bukanlah jenis maki hamun staff ke apa, cuma dia tegas and bukan senang nak negotiate dengan dia. She’s a tough piece man,” kata Adam lagi.

“Eh, dahlah cerita pasal dia, kau apa cerita sekarang?” tanya Khairul Arman cuba menutup topic tentang Erika Syakira.

“Aku, macam yang kau tengoklah. Tu hah, mak aku kat kampung dah sibuk suruh bawa balik calon. Nasib baik mak aku bukanlah jenis yang old-fashion sangat, kisah pasal langkah bendul ke apa, kalau tak jadi andartulah si Aini tu,” jawab Adam sambil tertawa kecil.

“Aini dah kahwin? Bro, kau baik cepat, kang adik kau tu dah beranak pinak, kau masih membujang,” nasihat Khairul Arman.

“Nak cepat apanya! Dah tak terkejar dah, Aini dah ada dua orang anak. Lagipun lelaki kalau kahwin lambat tak salah, makin tua makin tinggi saham,” selamba sahaja Adam menjawab.

“Tinggilah sangat. Bukan aku tak tahu, mak kau reject calon yang kau bawa balik. Siapa nama model tu, Nisa? Hah, Nisha,” giliran Khairul Arman mengenakan Adam.

“Hisy kau ni! Yang kau tu menyulam kasih sejak dari US lagi dengan si Gina tu, akhirnya tak ke mana pun. Eh apa cerita minah tu?” tanya Adam.

“Hmm, sibuk dok mengacau aku. Bukan dia tak tahu aku dah kahwin, dia siap datang lagi majlis aku dengan best friend Erika. Kebetulan pula, best friend Erika, sepupu dia. Terkejut aku nampak dia, tapi aku buat derk jer, “ cerita Khairul Arman.

“Dia datang majlis kau? Biar benar perempuan tu! Erika tak tanya apa-apa?”

“Aku tak rasa dia syak apa-apa. Tapi, adik kembar aku tu, berleter tak sudah. Lagipun, aku dengan dia cuma kawan. Ikut prinsip aku bro, berkawan biar beribu, bermesra dengan semua, tapi bercinta, biarlah satu,” beria-ia Khairul Arman menerangkan prinsipnya. Sesat betul!

“Hah, terlanjur cakap pasal adik, aku terserempak Lisa tadi. Macam malu-malu jer bila aku tegur dia. Kalau dulu, selamba badak jer ke hulu ke hilir dengan aku bila aku balik cuti rumah kau.”

“Kau ni, itu kan masa dia kecil lagi. Bukannya dia faham apa, kau tu, jangan pulak nak menyakat dia lagi. Adik aku tu dah besar panjang, kau jangan nak try test pulak,” Khairul Arman memberi amaran.

“Hisy, kau ni, kalau betul pun apa salah,” cepat sahaja Adam berlari keluar dari bilik Khairul Arman sambil tertawa besar.

Khairul Amran menggelengkan kepala melihat kerenah sahabat baiknya. Itulah satu-satunya sahabat yang sentiasa bersama dengannya. Walaupun bukan jasad, tetapi, Adam lebih mengetahui setiap rahsia yang dia ada berbanding keluarganya sendiri. Baginya, Adam seperti utusan Allah buatnya. Satu anugerah yang tidak ternilai harganya. Dahulu, sewaktu mereka tinggal di asrama, setiap kali cuti mereka akan pulang ke kampung Adam dahulu, kemudian baru ke KL. Kerana itu, mereka saling mengenali keluarga masing-masing.

*********

Aku mengetuk-ngetuk pena pada meja, kemudian memutarkannya pula. Sejak siang tadi, apa sahaja yang dibuat seperti tidak kena. Baru tadi, aku bertengkar dengan Khairul Arman dalam bilik mesyuarat mengenai projek usahasama syarikat keluarga kami. Aku mengeluh sekali lagi. Letih, di pejabat lain yang perlu dihadapi, pulang ke rumah, lain pula yang perlu ditempuh. Aku teringat kembali situasi tegang di bilik mesyuarat tadi.

“I don’t think that a pillar is necessary in the design. Pertama, it’s going to make the design look ugly. Secondly, why do we need to add unnecessary cost to the project?” bangkang Khairul Arman pada final design yang dibentangkan oleh salah seorang arkitek dari SyaRina Holdings.

“Well, Encik Arman, sebenarnya, whatever that is added into the design is necessary. Kami pun kalau boleh cuba sedaya upaya untuk kurangkan kos, memang mahal, but it’s of a good quality apa salahnya?” terang Haniff, cuba untuk meredakan suasana.

“Tapi…” Khairul Arman ingin membantah tetapi pantas sahaja dicelah seseorang.

“Haniff, duduk. Biar saya yang jelaskan,” arahku pantas. Aku menarik nafas panjang cuba meredakan kemarahan yang baru sahaja berputik. Pantang aku bila ada orang sesuka hati pertikaikan design yang telah kami berhempas pulas siapkan.

“Let me explain why this pillar is necessary Mr Arman. For your information, the soil for this building is soft soil. Therefore, the building might not be that stable should there be any earthquakes, or other natural disasters. Although we used pile foundation, we can still feel tremors when the ground beneath us shifts. That is the ultimate reason for us to add in the pillar there. It is basically to give a better stability and a stronger frame for the building,” terangku panjang lebar dengan lancar.

“Situasi seperti ini pun banyak berlaku di luar negeri. But, they still went on with just pile foundation,” bantah Khairul Arman. Masih ingin mempertahankan pendapatnya.

“Well, if you don’t agree with our design, it’s fine! But, I am sure to get full corporation from Dato’ Khairi, because I have a feeling he will agree with what my architects have designed. And mind you, we get our best architects to designed this, not some amateur architects,” kataku tegas. Wajahku sudah terasa bahang, sekali sekala aku mengenggam tangan cuba untuk menahan amarahku dari meledak.

“I’m aware of that, tapi, kalau kita boleh cut cost, apa salah we see every aspect,” Khairul Arman cuba memujuk.

“No, we are trained to have in mind about the user. Rasanya, kalau you beli sesuatu pun, you pasti nak benda tu sempurna. So, it’s up to you Mr Arman. Kalau you rasa, you tak setuju, it’s ok. Tapi sekiranya ada sesuatu terjadi di masa hadapan, you will take full responsibility. Syarikat kami, tidak akan bertanggungjawab, because we already presented to you the best design,” secara tidak langsung aku mengugutnya.

Pintu bilikku diketuk dari luar menyentak lamunanku pergi, pantas aku memberi arahan masuk. Terjengul wajah Miya di muka pintu. Aku mengisyaratkan agar dia mengambil tempat di hadapanku.

“Ada apa?” tanyaku pada Miya.

“Saja jer nak tengok how are you doing?” tanyanya selamba. Aku menggeleng dengan telatahnya.

“Well, Miya, I’m fine, cuma mungkin terganggu sikit jer. Tak payah risaulah,” kataku cuba menyakinkannya.

“I’m asking as a friend. Not between an employer with employee.” kata Miya lagi.

“Well, what do you think?” tanyaku menduganya.

“Looking at you, I tahu you tengah cuba sembunyikan sesuatu. By the way, can I have 2 minutes of your time as a friend?” pinta Miya perlahan.

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?” tanyaku tanpa memandangnya. Aku masih ralit merenung skrin komputer sejak tadi.

“You dah siasat pasal gambar tu?” tanya Miya serius.

“Dah, and it is genuine, bukan superimposed sebab orang dengki atau apa. Cuma gambar itu, ditambah sedikit effect, terutama sekali dekat wajah perempuan tu,” terangku bersahaja.

“Erika, you buat I risau. Dah dua bulan, I tengok you macam gini jer. I faham you kahwin bukan sebab cinta, tapi ia boleh dipupuk. You kena open up Erika, sebab I yang dah lama kenal you pun, susah untuk baca fikiran you, apatah lagi Arman,” nasihat Miya.

“You tak faham Miya. I buat semua ini demi family I. I tak sanggup nak kecewakan mereka, tapi I tak tahu, kenapa I tak dapat terima dia. It’s just impossible!”

“You kena belajar Erika. I cuma boleh nasihatkan apa yang I mampu. Semua keputusan you yang buat. Memang I tak di tempat you, tapi, you know what? Tak salah sekali sekala mengalah, turunkan sedikit ego you tu. I pelik tau dengan you, husband punya handsome macam tu pun you buat derk jer. Kalau I, dah lama I kurung dia kat rumah biar perempuan lain tak tengok dia,” seloroh Miya siap dengan pergerakan tangan sekali. Aku tertawa seketika dengan gelagatnya.

“You ni, patutnya tak payah jadi PA, you patut jadi counsellor,” gurauku pula masih lagi dengan sisa tawa.

“Tulah, tapi I tak berapa nak pandai, tu yang sangkut jadi PA jer,” kata Miya lagi.

“Eh, dahlah. I tahu, you risau and concern pasal I, tapi, I banyak kerja nak buat sekarang. Kita bincang hal ni lain kali ok?” kataku cuba mengelak dari topik Khairul Arman.

“Hmm, yelah, siapalah kita kan? Dah I keluar dulu, you fikirkan apa yang I cakap tadi,” pesan Miya. Aku hanya menganggukkan kepala dan mengucap terima kasih dari pergerakan mulut sahaja. 

Aku mengeluh seketika sebaik sahaja Miya meninggalkanku sendirian. Memang aku tidak nafikan banyak yang benar dalam bicaranya. Tapi, aku benar-benar keliru. Antara nak buka lembaran baru dan melupakan segala yang terjadi atau terus sahaja meneruskan seperti ini. Macam mana pula dengan wanita dalam gambar itu? Siapa dia?

*********
Khairul Arman masuk ke dalam sebuah coffee house sambil matanya melilau melihat sekeliling. Pantas dia menuju ke arah yang melambai-lambai padanya. Dia mengambil tempat sambil matanya masih lagi memandang sekeliling. Takut pula ada yang mengenali dirinya. Tidak tentu pasal, cerita tidak enak pula sampai ke telinga isterinya.

“Apa lagi yang you nak Gina? Tak cukup you call ofis I, sekarang ni nak jumpa pula! Which part that you do not understand, I’m already married,” tegas Khairul Arman berkata sambil menayangkan cincin dijari.

“You atau I yang tak faham? Selama ni, you heret I ke hulu ke hilir, lepas tu senang senang jer you tinggalkan I,” lantang Gina bersuara. Beberapa pasang mata sudah tertumpu pada mereka.

“Lower down your voice please. Malulah sikit orang tengok,” tegur Khairul Arman.

“Oh, you tahu malu. Habis tu, you ingat I tak malu ke bila you buat I macam ni? Selama ni, bukannya kawan-kawan I tak pernah nampak you. Semua orang tahu kita tengah dating. Then, you suddenly kahwin dengan orang lain. Apa you rasa kalau you di tempat I?”  

“Firstly, bila masa kita date? I tak pernah declare pun yang kita couple, you jer yang selalu suka assume. Look, susah sangat ke you nak terima takdir Allah. Dah tertulis jodoh I dengan dia, nak buat macam mana. Walau berapa lama kita kenal each other, kalau dah tak ada jodoh, memang tak ada jodoh,” Khairul Arman cuba berdiplomasi.

“Jadi selama ni, apa yang you buat dekat I semua, tak ada makna bagi you? I dah serahkan cinta I buat you, segala-galanya I buat untuk you,” rintih Gina cuba meraih simpati.

“Whatever we did together, I tak pernah rosakkan you. Kita tak pernah terlanjur pun. In fact, I tak pernah ajak you tidur dengan I atau apa. Yes, mungkin kita terlebih mesra, tapi, we never went to the extent of sleeping together,” Khairul Arman masih cuba mempertahankan.

“Sayang, you lupa ke semua yang pernah kita lalui? You have to admit, we had a good time when we were together, we were enjoying each other’s company. Kenapa you buat I macam ni? Kenapa Khai? You tahu tak I sayang sangat dekat you?” Gina cuba menggunakan reverse psychology untuk meraih simpati.

“But I love my wife Gina. I really do love her! Memang, kita serasi bersama, tapi, I minta maaf Gina, I tak boleh cintakan you macam mana I cintakan dia. She has always been the special one in my heart. Tolong Gina, I merayu, lupakan I. You cantik, still young, I pasti you akan dapat lelaki yang akan mencintai you lebih dari you mencintai I,” pujuk Khairul Arman kemudian pantas berlalu pergi.

Tersedu-sedan Gina menangis di situ. Tidak lagi menghiraukan mata yang memandang. Yang pasti, dia teramat kecewa dengan keputusan yang dibuat oleh lelaki itu. Biarpun dia suka berfoya-foya, tetapi, baginya, Khairul Arman tetap yang istimewa di sudut hatinya. Watch out, Khairul Arman! Kalau I tak dapat you, jangan harap orang lain nak dapat you!
 
p/s: Bab terbaru walaupun dah hampir berkurun tak update. Harap korang suka! And leave your comments ok? Tengok pageviews steady jer naik, tapi tak ada pulak yang komen, so tak pasti korang suka atau tidak. Ke memang silent readers? ;)  

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

Ramadhan Kareem

Assalamualaikum!
 
Dah 3 hari puasa baru nak update blog! Buruk nau perangai. Actually hari ini baru start kerja, sebab saja menghabiskan time-off yang hampir nak kena forfeit sebab lama sangat peram tak pakai. Dah kena sound dengan manager baru kelam kabut plan cuti. Itu yang habiskan baki 2 hari yang dah nak expired. Lepas ini, nak kena claim pulak yang bulan April dengan May.
 
Malas sebenarnya nak cuti, sebab macam tak cuti. Imagine, still kena handle contractors walaupun tengah time-off. Nasib badan! Both days handphone tak berhenti ringing. Sampai Mummy marah. Keluar lah dialog, "Long oii, awak cuti ke dakk? Macam ini baik kerja jer!" Errkk? Nak buat macam mana, sabar jerlah. Tugas itu kan amanah! *ayat nak pujuk mummy sesambil pujuk diri sendiri*
 
Walaupun sibuk melayan calls sambil buat kerja dari rumah, merajin pulak gulung popiah untuk first day puasa. Selalunya, ikut malas, memang beli yang frozen itu jer. Kata urban! Tapi disebabkan yang beli selalunya tak sesedap yang buat sendiri, maka redha lah buat inti sendiri, pastu gulung and nak dekat buka, goreng! *gambar malas nak upload, karang terliur pulak* (ada upload kat Instagram kalau nak tengok)
 
Weekend sebelum Ramadhan pulak, hari Sabtu, pergi uruskan hal jual-beli kereta. Alhamdullilah, segalanya dipermudahkan. Cuma sedih kena let go Sappy (kereta lama). Dalam tak sedar, dah hampir 8 tahun dengan dia, sejak aku 15 tahun. Dah lah baik, tak meragam, walaupun kita macam anak kerbau menyumbat dalam situ. Thank you Sappy for your service! Along love you forever! :') Masa handover Sappy, nangis macam putus cinta! *yer-yer jer putus cinta* Bahahaha!
 
Bye Sappy! I <3 you 4eva!
*yang kat tepi itu Goldilocks*
 
Daddy sebenarnya dah tak nak pakai kereta, lepas ini, gigih lah korang naik public transport! Kata dialah. So, dalam diam, kumpul duit buat down payment, senyap-senyap tak bilang sapa pun. (Nanti ada jer yang terbangun lambat, jadi tak nak lambat boleh suruh Daddy amek cuti hantar pergi kerja. Eh, itu bukan aku ke?!) Cukup duit, terus aku cakap kat Mummy & Daddy, jom lah kita pergi view kereta baru. Tercengang jerlah dorang. Time itu pun aku tak beritahu lagi dah siap duit. Ajak tengok-tengok jer. Konon surprise lah! (padahal takut budget tak cukup!) 
 
Last gambar dalam Sappy! *abaikan muka selekehku*
Angah & Acik kat belakang
 
Bila view dah berkenan, terus deal! Alhamdullilah. Smooth transaction, walaupun tak expect apa masa pergi viewing. Bersyukur sangat walaupun lepas ini instalment bayar kongsi, still aku syukur mampu bantu sediakan duit untuk down payment.
 
Kereta baru nama dia, Goldilocks! Pulak dah! Aku ini banyak berangan. Sappy itu dulu pun aku yang gigih kasi nama. Kalau korang pandai tekalah dari mana nama Sappy itu datang. *Hint: Sappy....Go!* Pastu yang baru ini, aku namakan Goldilocks pasal colour gold.

Entah merapu apa aja aku ini! Patut cerita pasal Ramadhan, dah terkeluar pasal kereta! Tak per lah, update activity. Boleh kan?

Semalam ada friend kat FB share video Dua Dunia. Ala, program TV kat Indonesia itu. Dorang pergi tempat seram/berhantu pastu communicate dengan hantu/jin kat situ. Aku ini sebenarnya boleh tahan penakut. Tapi, mungkin bulan puasa ini syaitonnirojim dah kena ikat, berani sikit kot. Lol! Tapi, dalam ramai-ramai pak ustaz itu, aku paling berkenan tengok Ustaz Ujang Bustomi. Macho giler bila dia lawan dengan makhluk yang masuk dalam badan mediator itu. Pastu bila dia baca ayat Al-Quran, pergh....cair beb! *melts*

 
Oklah, rasanya dah banyak merapu ini! Nak pergi opis client aku, brainwash dia sikit sebelum meeting esok! (boleh gitu? dia bayar company aku, aku pulak yang brainwash dia!) Selamat berpuasa! Nanti iftar, buka apa? Aku awal-awal dah kena standby sampai pukul 7pm! Buka kat kerja lah gamaknya! :/ 


Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Seperation Anxiety

Assalam! 
Lama tak hapdate kan? Memang busy tak kira waktu. Tak dernya sekarang nak mimpi balik tepat kul 5.30 petang. Selagi tak lepas Isya' memang tak balik. Pfft! Nangislah sensorang kena tunggu contractor habis kerja, sambil habiskan paperwork yang tak pernah nak habis. #nangisairmatadarah

Pastu, dah elok bertiga (walaupun selalunya berdua jer) sekarang macam ada kemungkinan berkeseoranganlah daku disini, menguruskan projek yang tinggal sampai semua kerja settle. Dah biasa bertiga berdua ini, bila dapat berita dari management pasal Beignet* (working partner) kena urgently gi lain site, rasa cam alaaa....sedihnya! Mau tak sedih, kat sini, dah terang-terang kita berdua, kalau ada hal, tentu-tentu mengadu discuss with each other. Sekarang memang bersiap sedialah nak bercakap dengan dinding ataupun segala benda dalam ofis ini! Hahaha! #ceritasedih 

Boleh katakan he's (yes, my working partner is a guy!) like my mentor after Mr M left. Refer to this post here! Beignet banyak experience & he  knows his way here on site. Pastu kalau dia buat kerja selalu tip top sebab tu client semua sayang dia. Pernah masa baru mula dulu, ikut dia pergi site untuk project handover, pastu dia punya teliti, I tell you, orang perempuan pun kalah! Serious, as much as a perfectionist I am, still he beat me hands down. I surrender!

Kalau nak cerita pasal Beignet, to me segalanya baik pasal dia. Dia baik, tak lokek ilmu, helpful, good listener, happy-go-lucky, problem-solver, and macam-macam lagilah. (boleh puji melambung coz rasanya dia tak tahu & tak baca pun!) Walaupun kadang-kadang muka dia ketat sampai takut nak tegur, tapi sebenarnya dia ok!

Tak tau kalau Beignet sedar ke tak, tapi dia selalu buat I rasa terharu sangat! I kan kuat membebel (genetic & coz I'm the eldest! #alasan) so kadang berbual randomly, atau cerita randomly pasal contractor yang buat hal or little details yang dia macam tak pay attention sangat, so selalunya cam redha lah, konon berbual dengan angin. Then tetiba out of nowhere, dia tanya pasal whatever I told him, terus rasa macam, awww, dia dengarlah! Then whenever I made request for him to sit in my project meetings, walaupun dia busy gila jenis tak cukup tanah nak lari still make time to attend & kadang tolong lead my meeting sebab terkena anxiety attack cum hyperventilation. Almaklumlah, I budak baru belajar!

But he likes loves to laugh at me, bila terbawa-bawa dengan emosi bila tengah baca novel or layan drama. Lagi menjadilah bila I layan Hindustan. Teringat masa Dilwale tengah hot, I pun terjebak sampai caller ringtone (yang orang call kita dengar lagu tu, bukan bunyi toot toot), pakai lagu Janam Janam.

Sekarang dah officially sensorang. Tulis ini pun dah rasa emotional gila. Especially tadi bila on-site nampak dia angkut belongings semua pergi kereta. I macam nak nangis! :'(

Oklah, bye!

*nama samaran. Konon, kata kau!

Thursday, 7 April 2016

Updates

Assalam!
 
Believe it or not?! As of now I'm writing, I'm actually at work awaiting for overnight works to begin anytime soon! Life is tough man! This would be another night works in less than a week! 0.0
Not complaining, not complaining, not complaining! #chantstoself
 
I should be grateful that the least I landed in a job that is somewhat related to my field of study. I should be grateful that amongst all the other people in this world, Allah swt chose me to be in this position. I should be grateful that I am almost 6 months away from completing my scholarship bond! Yes, you read it right! 6 months left before I can finally enrol for further studies. So, all and all, Alhamdullilah!
 
It just bites me that I have lesser time to spent with my family. Just the other day, we were supposed to go for a 3D2N staycation in conjunction with my parents anniversary, but lo and behold, I was involved in some hoisting works in the middle of the night that I was only there for 1 night and came back to work. I know Mommy gets pretty upset with my messed up schedule, but every now and then we'll have a talk about it and I will always remind her to redha with it, because if she doesn't then Allah swt won't be!
 
That first part was written on 6/4/16 at about 2230hrs. So, let's continue.
 
Work has been tough! Crazily tough! Things been so hectic, I am overworked, sleep deprived, but surviving. Thank you Allah! The worst part of this job would definitely be human factor. It's not the project or the working hours or even the challenges, but it's the people you are dealing with. I'm not saying that all of them are bad, surely there will be really nice ones, that really cooperate and never go against my instructions, and sadly these people are the minority.
 
The whole other bunch is another massive headache that I have to deal with and because of them I dread going to work or even running that project. Their stubbornness, defiantness, speaking ill of you in another language (which unfortunately I understood). I try to avoid commotion or arguments. I know they are here to work and sometimes, I would just close an eye on these tiny issues.
 
But, honestly, I didn't know I had so high of a tolerance level and patience that I was still able to smile when I was being shouted at for something that I didn't do or being blame for the silliest thing. I didn't know all of these previously. After almost 21+ years of living, now I finally know.
 
There's a whole lot of things I wanna write here, but let's keep it for later sake when I'm a lil tad free!
 
Till then!
 
p/s: Tundukkan Playboy Itu last episode tonight!!! And I'm gonna just catch up online later. Working late tonight. Boohoo!
pp/s: I'm thinking of starting to do novel review here just for keep sake purposes and the least I'm able to refer here for all the novels I've read. In Sya Allah. All is still in planning. Let's see how everything goes.

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

FM vs PM

Asalaam!
Been some time since I last wrote huh?! Work has been up to my neck recently. Not complaining! Just sayin'! Anyways, as I have mentioned previously, I am working in the Building & Construction Industry. Not something that all girls would do, but hey, let's face it, I wanna be eccentric! #oddoneout
 
So, just few days back whilst at work, I was doing some kind of permit application. (FYI, my site requires a lot of permissions before we can start any work) I had a conversation with one of the Fire Safety Senior (FSS) that has seen my face one too many times for this past weeks due to several permits application for my on-going projects. Whilst checking on my contractors on site, we were making casual talks here & there while being under the sun. Oh yes, I have turned almost 2-3 shades darker due to all the outdoor work I have been doing. Whitening supplement, why you suddenly no work?! #cheatmyfeelings
 
Back to my story, this FSS was asking me loads of questions when suddenly he asked me why did I chose to be in Project Management (PM) line. Honestly, I was quite taken aback by his questions, hence I withheld myself from answering any before he gets a little specific. That was when he actually said that all the time he has been working, he never actually seen a lady doing PM and some men he knew that entered this line usually left within a few months. That was why he was curious why I decided to be in this kind of line and still endured!
 
I used to study Facilities Management (FM), where a tiny part of my study actually do taught me a lil bit of PM. Truth to be told, I never expected to be in PM line as well, and I never thought I could stay for this long. Indeed, Allah is the best planner! I never knew I had a high tolerance level of being arrowed (read: tekan), I never knew I could really composed myself that even when I was really, really angry, I managed to hold back and dealt with the situation, I never knew that I could handle different types of male attitude (let's face it, I'm working in an all-male environment), be it the egoistic ones, the forever moody ones, the bubbly ones, and the list can just goes on!
 
There is a huge difference between FM & PM! And most likely, I might not be going back to FM for the time being, just coz I'm so used to this fast-paced, chasing of deadline kind-of-job, that FM will be a bore to me if I suddenly make the decision to switch career. Unless, if I decide to settle down some time later! (about 10-15 years I guess!) :P 
 
But you know what, be it FM or PM, I do believe that every job has its own challenge. (Unless if you don't have to work because you own a money tree at the back of your house, or you are born with a silver spoon then lucky you!) I have been in this line for over a year now, still too early for me to actually point out my views, but I'm taking these days as a learning process. A process for me to gain more knowledge, self-nurture my character and etc. 
 
If you meet me some time back, I wouldn't be this person you know today. I am an introvert by nature, hence I don't really speak much, I love being inside my own cocoon, doesn't really love crowd or be the centre of attention. Well, still having some of an introvert characteristics in me, but one thing for sure, I learnt to speak up. I can now speak to any random person I meet for the first time and not feel awkward about it and soon just clique! It wasn't easy, but it was one of those traits I picked up while being in this job.
 
I would be exactly 7 months away free from my sponsorship bond that I took when I was studying. Time does flies! My name would finally be listed in universities by then, so I do have to make some decisions soon, be it I want to pursue a degree in FM or PM or some other related major. #alwayssoindecisive 
 
Till then!
 
 

Thursday, 11 February 2016

The Overly-Hopeful One

I’m writing this for all the ladies that was once and has been the Overly-Hopeful ones in their relationship. To the ladies who tried too hard to make things work but always end with huge disappointment. I’m writing this to someone in particular and hopefully it reaches her & those who are in this situation as well and may you reap benefits from it.
First, I would like to applaud you for holding on so long to this damaging relationship (pun intended) to the extent that you neglect your own feelings, the feelings of the people whom cared for you and those who stood by you.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and see how badly damaged you got just to be in this relationship? How ruined you are that you are actually putting a knife down your throat without you realising it? Pushing away reality just to continue living in your so-called fantasy!
My condolences to you, for you are dying bit by bit inside and you never had the courage to let go and be alive again. I may be as sarcastic as I want, but hopefully these words that came from the bottom of my heart will be able to touch your stoned-cold heart and make you realised how badly damaged you have been by being the Overly-Hopeful One.
Deny to the whole, wide world for all you want, but just for this once, I beg you to touch your heart and sincerely ask yourself, have you been trying too hard to keep the relationship going? Just because you ‘feel’ that the person you are in love with is the right one, you kept holding on despite the pain you have to go through. Just this once, ask yourself, was all the time, effort & tears wasted worth it? Answer truthfully!
Let me tell you the truth. You pushed away realistic opinions only for self-comfort. You denied the fact that realistic people have been throwing in your face just for the sake of being afraid to lose the relationship. Just because you think it is the best for you! But in reality, it is not and has never been! Everybody sees it, but you were too blinded.
You self-pity on social media. Creating a big hoo-ha of the future that you are unsure of yourself. You ranted online, hoping that it catches someone attention and you will then gain their sympathy. Once, twice or even thrice, yes it does gain the sympathy of people. But ongoing, prolonging, never-ending wishful hopes and rants, you are just making a fool out of yourself.
Who cares if the person you are yearning to be with is pious as anything or if his family came from a religious background? Who said that being religious means that he will be able to guide you to Jannah? Who said that if you were to be with someone not so religious but puts in effort to be one, is changing to be one that he will not be better than the one you yearned to be with? No one can guaranteed it.
You’ve been ranting of how much you tried to change to be a better person to fit into the family, to please his side. It is as good as saying that if one day he leaves you, then you are going back to your old self! Once again, touch your heart, search for an honest answer that is inside you all along.
I believe that change comes from within. Change comes from you. It comes with a sincere heart. Change is a gift from Allah s.w.t. Why would you change for HIS creations? Put some thoughts to it before you truthfully answer.
You wanted so badly to move forward with the relationship, but every single time something arise. Has it never occurred to you that probably it was against the will of Allah s.w.t.?
Have you ever thought why Allah left you stagnant in that position, hanging in a relationship without a concrete ending through all HIS creations that opposed you from moving forward? HIS creation that your partner will be devoted to the whole of his life although he has you.
They might eventually give in to your marriage, but have you ever thought of the consequences that comes with it? Are you prepared to be compared among the other DIL(s)? Are you prepared to always be at the losing end no matter how much you do, no matter if you are even the best? Are you prepared for your children to be treated differently just because you are their mother? Just because you wasn’t the one they had in mind for a DIL? Ponder upon it.
You can come up with 1001 amazing things to prove to them, prove to the world that you are worth for him. But, it just take one, just 1 tiny mistake that will shatter every single thing you build. That 1 mistake will haunt you forever and repeated over & over again throughout your lifetime you are going to spend with him.
You will never be good enough, whatever you do won’t be enough no matter how hard you tried, no matter how much you sacrificed!
If he can’t even stand by your side now, be firm on the decision you both came up with, protecting you from the damage you are going through with his family, just so you could be with him still. Then what worth is it for you to continue self-damaging yourself? What guarantee is he giving you that he will be a man and protect his own little family later if he can’t even prove it now?
You will be forever at the losing end and he will be following the lead of his family forever. Forever! Hard truth of reality!
With the whole long list I’ve listed, ponder over it, and have some thought on it. And should you still want to be in this unhealthy relationship, by all means, go on and continue getting hurt. I’ll keep praying the best for you hoping someday you will start waking up from your deep sleep.
But, do not tell someone who speaks of the truth, who gives opinions based on reality, to shut up just because you feel that you are right and she’s wrong. The fact that whatever she said was nothing but the truth. You are so afraid to face it that you shut her off, you ranted for her to shut up just because she’s not sugar coating her words to tell you everything’s gonna be alright! When all she wanted to do was to show you a brighter side of life, another choice for you! You may not thank me now, but one day, one fine day, you will and its ok, you are forgiven!
On a last note, nothing comes easy in life and everything comes with a price. May the force be with you, my friend.


Monday, 1 February 2016

Uncertainties!

Credit: Google
 
Been a while since the last update. Wallahi, bukan tak nak update, tapi, aku sendiri sedang berhadapan dengan pelbagai situasi yang membuatkan segala rasa bercampur baur dalam diri. Too much has been going on ever since 2016 started. Tak dinafikan, ada yang baik, Alhamdullilah, tetapi bagi aku permulaan tahun ini bagai satu peringatan bagi aku that life is not only about rainbows, sunshine or unicorn! Aku pasti, Allah s.w.t lebih mengetahui saat DIA menghantar setiap dugaan untuk aku tempuhi. Aku pasti DIA tahu apa yang terbaik bagiku.
 
"Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear. ~ Quran 2:286"
 
Sesungguhnya. ini adalah antara kalimah Allah yang aku pegang sejak aku mula mengenal erti hidup. Saat aku mula mengenali apa itu erti sebuah dugaan, dugaan yang Allah hantarkan sebagai satu peringatan atau pengajaran buat diri ini yang mungkin terlupa atau juga terlalu taksub dalam mengejar sesuatu yang mungkin baik bagiku, tetapi tidak dalam perancangan-Nya.
 
Sepanjang tempoh bulan Januari, setiap dari harinya aku tempuhi dengan mempelajari sesuatu yang baru. Be it a new experience, or knowing a different side of a person and definitely finding myself with every obstacle that came in my way. Bohong jika aku kata tiada airmata yang tumpah sepanjang tempoh dugaan ini, tetapi biarlah itu menjadi rahsia aku dan Allah s.w.t. Aku gunakan setiap kesempatan yang diberi untuk mencari kembali seorang aku, untuk muhasabah diri, memperbaiki setiap kelemahan diri ini. Alhamdullilah, terlalu banyak hikmah yang mula hadir saat aku mula belajar erti redha dan tawakkal. Sesungguhnya, tanpa dugaan/ujian, kau tidak akan belajar apa itu sebenar redha, sabar & tawakkal. Mungkin, ia sesuatu yang sering meniti di bibir, (aku maksudkan diriku sendiri) tetapi setelah diuji saat itu baru aku tahu erti sebenarnya berserah, redha, sabar & tawakkal pada Sang Khaliq. Jujur aku katakan, aku juga menyoal mengapa, kenapa, Dan sesungguhnya, Allah s.w.t. pasti akan memberi jawapan/petunjuk saat ikhlas & sabar mula hadir dalam diri.
 
"O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient. ~ Quran 2:153"
 
"Be patient over what befall you. ~ Quran 31:17"
 
"Have patience. Allah does not deny the rewards of the righteous. ~ Quran 11:115"
 
Sesungguhnya, kalimah apa yang mampu aku nafikan. Walaupun kini aku sedang bergelut/berkecamuk dengan setiap situasi yang harus aku tempuhi. Gelojak emosi yang aku sendiri tidak pernah tahu wujud dalam diri ini. Aku tahu, aku tidak keseorangan, the moment I place Allah in my heart!
 
Aku tahu Allah mendengar setiap rintihan hati ini. Aku tahu Allah sentiasa ada bersama saat aku dihanyut dalam kedukaan dan aku tahu setiap dari kesakitan itu aku berkongsi dengan-Nya. Mungkin, tahun ini Allah ingin mengajar aku erti sabar yang sebenar-benarnya. Pasti ada hikmah disebalik segala yang terjadi dan aku pasti jika sesuatu itu diambil kembali oleh-Nya maka DIA ingin menggantikan dengan yang lebih baik buat diri ini. In Sya Allah.