I’m writing this for all the ladies that was once and has been the Overly-Hopeful ones in their relationship. To the ladies who tried too hard to make things work but always end with huge disappointment. I’m writing this to someone in particular and hopefully it reaches her & those who are in this situation as well and may you reap benefits from it.
First, I would like to applaud you for holding on so long to this damaging relationship (pun intended) to the extent that you neglect your own feelings, the feelings of the people whom cared for you and those who stood by you.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and see how badly damaged you got just to be in this relationship? How ruined you are that you are actually putting a knife down your throat without you realising it? Pushing away reality just to continue living in your so-called fantasy!
My condolences to you, for you are dying bit by bit inside and you never had the courage to let go and be alive again. I may be as sarcastic as I want, but hopefully these words that came from the bottom of my heart will be able to touch your stoned-cold heart and make you realised how badly damaged you have been by being the Overly-Hopeful One.
Deny to the whole, wide world for all you want, but just for this once, I beg you to touch your heart and sincerely ask yourself, have you been trying too hard to keep the relationship going? Just because you ‘feel’ that the person you are in love with is the right one, you kept holding on despite the pain you have to go through. Just this once, ask yourself, was all the time, effort & tears wasted worth it? Answer truthfully!
Let me tell you the truth. You pushed away realistic opinions only for self-comfort. You denied the fact that realistic people have been throwing in your face just for the sake of being afraid to lose the relationship. Just because you think it is the best for you! But in reality, it is not and has never been! Everybody sees it, but you were too blinded.
You self-pity on social media. Creating a big hoo-ha of the future that you are unsure of yourself. You ranted online, hoping that it catches someone attention and you will then gain their sympathy. Once, twice or even thrice, yes it does gain the sympathy of people. But ongoing, prolonging, never-ending wishful hopes and rants, you are just making a fool out of yourself.
Who cares if the person you are yearning to be with is pious as anything or if his family came from a religious background? Who said that being religious means that he will be able to guide you to Jannah? Who said that if you were to be with someone not so religious but puts in effort to be one, is changing to be one that he will not be better than the one you yearned to be with? No one can guaranteed it.
You’ve been ranting of how much you tried to change to be a better person to fit into the family, to please his side. It is as good as saying that if one day he leaves you, then you are going back to your old self! Once again, touch your heart, search for an honest answer that is inside you all along.
I believe that change comes from within. Change comes from you. It comes with a sincere heart. Change is a gift from Allah s.w.t. Why would you change for HIS creations? Put some thoughts to it before you truthfully answer.
You wanted so badly to move forward with the relationship, but every single time something arise. Has it never occurred to you that probably it was against the will of Allah s.w.t.?
Have you ever thought why Allah left you stagnant in that position, hanging in a relationship without a concrete ending through all HIS creations that opposed you from moving forward? HIS creation that your partner will be devoted to the whole of his life although he has you.
They might eventually give in to your marriage, but have you ever thought of the consequences that comes with it? Are you prepared to be compared among the other DIL(s)? Are you prepared to always be at the losing end no matter how much you do, no matter if you are even the best? Are you prepared for your children to be treated differently just because you are their mother? Just because you wasn’t the one they had in mind for a DIL? Ponder upon it.
You can come up with 1001 amazing things to prove to them, prove to the world that you are worth for him. But, it just take one, just 1 tiny mistake that will shatter every single thing you build. That 1 mistake will haunt you forever and repeated over & over again throughout your lifetime you are going to spend with him.
You will never be good enough, whatever you do won’t be enough no matter how hard you tried, no matter how much you sacrificed!
If he can’t even stand by your side now, be firm on the decision you both came up with, protecting you from the damage you are going through with his family, just so you could be with him still. Then what worth is it for you to continue self-damaging yourself? What guarantee is he giving you that he will be a man and protect his own little family later if he can’t even prove it now?
You will be forever at the losing end and he will be following the lead of his family forever. Forever! Hard truth of reality!
With the whole long list I’ve listed, ponder over it, and have some thought on it. And should you still want to be in this unhealthy relationship, by all means, go on and continue getting hurt. I’ll keep praying the best for you hoping someday you will start waking up from your deep sleep.
But, do not tell someone who speaks of the truth, who gives opinions based on reality, to shut up just because you feel that you are right and she’s wrong. The fact that whatever she said was nothing but the truth. You are so afraid to face it that you shut her off, you ranted for her to shut up just because she’s not sugar coating her words to tell you everything’s gonna be alright! When all she wanted to do was to show you a brighter side of life, another choice for you! You may not thank me now, but one day, one fine day, you will and its ok, you are forgiven!
On a last note, nothing comes easy in life and everything comes with a price. May the force be with you, my friend.